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OT Hope this does not UP set anyone

Don Coatney

By Don Coatney
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Don Coatney

Don Coatney

Posted
Posted

This takes a couple of minutes to go through but it's well worth it. Enjoy.

I think a retired English teacher was bored.

This took a lot of work to put together!

You think English is easy??

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearingUP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

greg g

greg g

Posted
Posted

I will step up and start up, by taking up, and then putting up with the up and coming dust up. hopefully some one on the up and up will stand up and be up against this if they get the upshot of the uproar. But mayby its time for this to be upwith, at least here up north.

Hey how come the sun rises, but night falls, if both events begin at the eastern horizon, doesn't night rise opposit the sun set.

Why does a shipment go by truck, freighters carry cargo, and freight goes in or on a car? And air freight it goes in trasport, but you transport people in a bus, parcels go in a van, but vandals ride horses. The only thing that makes any sense is that you can send vessels by vessel.

pflaming

pflaming

Posted
Posted

So if more than one mouse is mice, and more than one louse is lice would more than one spouse be spice? :rolleyes:

greg g

greg g

Posted
Posted

Actually no! They originated in Ecuador and as Ecuador was kind of a back water commercially, not many customers and not may visitors, the hats were sent to Panama where they became popular with folks transiting the Isthmus for the gold fields of California, so the gold ruch became the Hat rush aslo. They were also distributed to other markets. So the Hat became named for its point of distribution rather than it's place of origin. Many current Panama's are still hand woven in the same cities in Ecaudor where they originated.

Merle Coggins

Merle Coggins

Posted
Posted

I love it. I've had a copy of this little poem around for a long time.

"Our English Langauge"

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a whole nest of mice,

But the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot and you show me your feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

If the singular's this and the plural is these,

Should the plural of kiss ever be nicked keese?

Then one may be that and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.

We speak of brother, and also of brethern,

But though we say mother, we never say methern.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,

but imagine the feminine she, shis, and shim.

So the English, I think, you all will agree,

Is the queerest language you ever did see.

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