Please before throwing stones...

[Plymouthy Adams]

be sure you are capable of answering the following questions...posted with NO apologies and much laughter...

 

   
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
                            (A)  '65 Ford Fairlane
                            (  '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
                            ©  '64 Pontiac GTO

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of moonshine produced per hour, how  

                           many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be

                           harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14

                           inches. How many Budweiser’s will be drunk before all the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and

                          the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine.  When the porch

                          collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow  with an average slope of 15%. The man has

                          five children. Can  each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land  and still

                          have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH.

                          The brakes fail.  Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability

                          that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town, which has been bypassed by

                          the Interstate, to breed a country-western singer?

I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn't  ya? It's okay if y'all didn't do all that well. Just goes to  show ya there's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

 

As an added bonus for taking the "RED NECK CHALLENGE," here's some southerly advice that may                  come in handy down the road a piece....

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

Edited November 27, 2014 by Plymouthy Adams

[Niel Hoback]

Today is Thanksgiving Day. I am thankful this off topic forum for the humor that comes from it. 

[oldodge41]

I believe the answer to each and evry question is ............................Alcohol!

[Don Coatney]

Plymouthy Adams, on 27 Nov 2014 - 2:24 PM, said:

be sure you are capable of answering the following questions...posted with NO apologies and much laughter...

 

   

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

 

3/8" fore he eats. 1/2" after.

 

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?

                            (A)  '65 Ford Fairlane

                            (   '69 Chevrolet Chevelle

                            ©  '64 Pontiac GTO

 

GTO.

 

 

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of moonshine produced per hour, how  

                           many car radiators are required to condense the product?

 

Tried a Volkswagen radiator and it did not work so got a Peterbilt. 

 

 

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be

                           harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14

                           inches. How many Budweiser’s will be drunk before all the trees are cut down?

 

All of them

 

 

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and

                          the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine.  When the porch

                          collapses, how many dogs will be killed?

 

None during coon season

 

 

6. Plymouthy owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow  with an average slope of 15%. The man has

                          five children. Can  each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land  and still

                          have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

 

Must upgrade to a double wide

 

 

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH.

                          The brakes fail.  Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability

                          that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

 

What is a muffler?

 

 

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town, which has been bypassed by

                          the Interstate, to breed a country-western singer?

 

Need more information. Country?, or Western?

 

 

I betcha thought that this test was gonna be an easy one, didn't  ya? It's okay if y'all didn't do all that well. Just goes to  show ya there's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare ya for in this life.

 

As an added bonus for taking the "RED NECK CHALLENGE," here's some southerly advice that may                  come in handy down the road a piece....

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.

[Ulu]

Being originally a native of Kentucky, I take all of these hillbilly jokes with a certain grim humor and humble resignation.  OK, maybe not so humble...

 

How many of you have actually picked up a live possum by the tail, wound up like Sandy Koufax, and pitched her over the fence?

 

The little critter had been saving up nuts for winter, and had crawled into my Mom's dryer vent, and stored them in the squirrel-cage blower. I can't tell you how crazy that sounds when you start the dryer.

 

I actually started it up while the possum was inside the dryer, & when I pulled the vent pipe off the back, all that was visible was the end of the tail.

 

I thought mom had cooked her to death, so I just pulled 'er out by the tail. I made it 30 yards across the lot before the little bugger quit playing possum and came to life with a very sore attutude about the indignity of her situation.

 

She showed all her teeth and claws with an angry hiss, as I carried her at arm's length, and at that point I launched her over the fence faster than any possum will ever travel willingly.

Edited November 29, 2014 by Ulu

[Plymouthy Adams]

last possum I saw was this week at the end of my orchard..it had been victim of road kill and the buzzards dragged it from the highway into the lower end of my yard for their feast...I watched them devour it over the course of the day...with the pitch fork removed the skin and bones to the woods next day..they ugly little critters...and stinky....

[Plymouthy Adams]

6. Plymouthy owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow  with an average slope of 15%. The man has

                          five children. Can  each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land  and still

                          have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

 

Must upgrade to a double wide  

 

Don..what part of the barn do you think I should park that double wide in...?

[Don Coatney]

While working for a food manufacturing plant an employee came across an opossum inside the plant who was of course playing possum. His removal procedure was a swift kick. The possum landed several feet away and this guy yelled that he made her have babies not aware that the opossum is Americas only marsupial.

[48ply1stcar]

After two army assignments in Alabama, I know if there are 5 vehicles in the yard only two things are mobile - the truck and the house.

 

I also noticed that a Vega wasn't on the list of rusting cars - is that because they start rusting on the showroom floor?

[Plymouthy Adams]

actually I think the very worse car for rust ever and onset at a very early time in service...any of the early Datsun/Nissan Z cars...pure junk is a compliment...Vega....remember... no matter what you do to it..it is still a Vega...not sure one still exists to park along the above selected models...

[Young Ed]

actually I think the very worse car for rust ever and onset at a very early time in service...any of the early Datsun/Nissan Z cars...pure junk is a compliment...Vega....remember... no matter what you do to it..it is still a Vega...not sure one still exists to park along the above selected models...

Tim you forgot Yugos.

[Plymouthy Adams]

never recall seeing a Yugo stay on the road long enough to rust..as you are drawing to a northern climate I would probably guess one season would be about max...and it would be a toss up if the car 's mechanicals would outlast a body...here in the south...rust is not so much the issue with the Yugo so the mechanicals were the main killer..BUT given the same conditions of the Z car...you can slip into the garage at night and not turn on the light, light scares them, but you can surely hear the tin worms munching..

[Ulu]

Since we moved into the 'burbs, I haven't seen possum nor Yugo.

 

I do see 240Z's running around here still. It's one of the perks of desert life. Tin worms can't stand the desert.

Edited November 29, 2014 by Ulu

[Plymouthy Adams]

as I hate Z cars in general..good reason for me not to visit the desert I reckon....lol    they rust from the inside out...while a drier clime may slow the rust..the inside I am sure is deteriorating.. 

[Ulu]

You miss the point. Plymouths don't rust here either.

 

A rising tide lifts all boats.

[Plymouthy Adams]

they all rust....only at a different rate...it may not be noticed if you have your head in desert sand.....lol

[Ulu]

It ain't noticed because the cars here often outlive the people.

 

Not like the rust belt, where the weather tries to kill you, but it still kills the cars faster.

 

See, there's Desert rust and then there's Minnesota rust.   

 

If you've been there you know the difference.

 

I own a 7 year old Tacoma. Toyota is having fits back east because of Tacoma frames rusting out.

They're scrapping lo-mileage trucks because it's too expensive to change the frames.

 

I park outdoors 24/7/365 and you could almost eat off my undercarriage.

 

...ummm...my Tacoma's undercarriage that is. 

[BobT-47P15]

We had a possum in our attached garage several years ago................nasty little buggars they are...........snarley and

like to poop on all sorts of stuff.  My wife called the county covservation agent to inquire if he had any methods for

removal.  He told her he wished he knew as he also had a possum in his garage.  Seems like I started chasing the

critter with a stick once he came down from the upper shelves where he liked to hide.  He went onto my workbench

which is in front of a window, which was open.  That rascal just used his  pointy nose to poke at hole in the screen

and jumped to the ground.  Took the bowls of cat food out of the garage after that.   

[Ulu]

We had a possum in our attached garage several years ago................nasty little buggars they are...........snarley and

like to poop on all sorts of stuff.  My wife called the county covservation agent to inquire if he had any methods for

removal.  He told her he wished he knew as he also had a possum in his garage.  Seems like I started chasing the

critter with a stick once he came down from the upper shelves where he liked to hide.  He went onto my workbench

which is in front of a window, which was open.  That rascal just used his  pointy nose to poke at hole in the screen

and jumped to the ground.  Took the bowls of cat food out of the garage after that.   

 

LOL...

 

When I took possession of Dad's old Scout after he passed on, the engine compartment had been home to possum.

It was packed full of leaves and possum poop. Like rats, they're not particular where they leave it.

 

Anyhow, it took me hours to clean out with tools and a garden hose.

[Dodgeb4ya]

It ain't noticed because the cars here often outlive the people.

 

Not like the rust belt, where the weather tries to kill you, but it still kills the cars faster.

 

See, there's Desert rust and then there's Minnesota rust.   

 

If you've been there you know the difference.

 

I own a 7 year old Tacoma. Toyota is having fits back east because of Tacoma frames rusting out.

They're scrapping lo-mileage trucks because it's too expensive to change the frames.

 

I park outdoors 24/7/365 and you could almost eat off my undercarriage.

 

...ummm...my Tacoma's undercarriage that is. 

I am up here in the wet NW and you can eat off myTacoma frame! The Northwest has lotsa iron in the rain and it preserves metal. No rust out here either!!

[Dan Hiebert]

I get a kick out of the rabbit holes these threads go down sometimes.  From a Red Neck intellect challenge to possum tossing (wait, maybe that's one in the same?)  When I was a kid in south Texas we had an opossum in our garage once.  It also played dead while I grabbed its tail and escorted it to the edge of our property, with it deciding to wrap its tail around my wrist while it hissed and spit at me before reaching my intended destination.  I managed to drop it and jump what seemed 5 feet in the air at the same time, while it ambled off, probably chuckling to itself at the panic it had created.  Cat food in the garage was the root cause of that problem, too.  Here in WNY, my better half insists on feeding the stray cats by leaving dry cat food out on the back porch, which draws a skunk (an almost all white one, kind of pretty), raccoons, and even deer on occasion.  I know there's possums here too, I see them squished on the roads, but I haven't seen any around the house. 

 

Anyone remember Mrs. Hathaway's possum juggling gig?

[Ulu]

I am up here in the wet NW and you can eat off myTacoma frame! The Northwest has lotsa iron in the rain and it preserves metal. No rust out here either!!

 

What year is that Taco? I think most of the probs were pre-05, but only time will tell.

 

If I lived in snow country I might put a manual cutout on the A/C clutch. Or remember to turn the defroster off.

 

If the defroster kicks the compressor on while you're braking gently on a frozen road, particularly downhill, the truck surges (overpowering the brakes because on ice you're braking ever so gently) and you could easily run right through a stop sign. This phenomenon is posted on the Tacoma forums & I've experienced it myself on dry roads when the A/C kicks in during slow stop & go traffic.

 

(Did anyone suspect there was a Jap truck at the bottom of this rabbit hole?)

[Plymouthy Adams]

at the bottom of the hole .....yeah....lol   bazinga..you set your own self up for that one

[Dodgeb4ya]

"What year is that Taco? I think most of the probs were pre-05, but only time will tell."

 

It's a 95 Taco ULu.

BTW... Early Tacoma's are made in Cali!

Not even a real jap rig !

[Plymouthy Adams]

Dodgeb4ya, on 06 Dec 2014 - 02:13 AM, said:Dodgeb4ya, on 06 Dec 2014 - 02:13 AM, said:

"

BTW... Early Tacoma's are made in Cali!

Not even a real jap rig !

 

Try telling the Japanese that......that would be even more fun than trying to convince Mustang owners there is no 64 1/2 model

Edited December 6, 2014 by Plymouthy Adams