OT My Dad

[brian hood]

It seem like this time of the year I start missing my dad badly. It's sort of hard to go back into my shop. He is the one who got me to work on old cars. Frankly, if not for him, I probally wouldn't be here. Of those of you that have lost your dad's years ago, does it get better after time? I picked up a pair of his old pliars tonight and I could almost feel him there. I was lucky enough to tell him before he died how much he ment to me and thank him for all the things I am and have because of his love. I guess I should close this depressing topic. I just want the pain to stop. He was the greatest man I have ever known. It takes me twice as long to do anything that he done. He never put much thought into it or anything . He was a natural at anything he tried. He is with God and one day we will be back togeather.

Brian

[GeorgeLeonard]

Although you likely will never forget him, the pain does get duller over time (not as sharp). Its been 11 years for me and I love to go into my shop and think about him. Having many of his tools is particularly comforting to me. Feeling his presence there is something I look forward to. Hang in there and treasure your memories.

[Frank Elder]

3 years only for me, still sucks. Dad loved cars and grandad too. Still have the SK-Warner sets that belonged to both of them....will pass them on.

[Norm's Coupe]

Brian,

Although you'll never forget your dad, those feelings you have now will go away over time. My father passed away in 1980. I still think about him often, but usually not his passing. The thoughts now are of the good times. The same with my wife. Her father passed away in 1981 and her mother passed away in 1988. Here again, she remembers the good times they had together now. We can each discuss the things we did with them. It's always the happy times and we can smile as we discuss those times. My wife's brother and my brothers are the same. When we discuss them, we usually will discuss something funny that they did and start out by saying something like, "Remember when Dad did this or that" and it brings a little laughter, and it feels if they would be laughing with us.

So, when you think of him, just remember the happy times and share those thoughts with your wife or someone else. It seems to get better when you discuss your feelings with those close to you.

[Frank Elder]

Norm's right Brian, don't dwell too much, it hurts. What was the first or best car advice he gave you? That is priceless. Gotta be a good skinned knuckle story in there somewhere.

[Frank Blackstone]

Dad's first new car was a 48 Plymouth which I inherited 10 years later. Don't tell me my restoration and love of maintaining my P-15 is not an extention of my love for my father. He has been gone too many years but still comes to me in dreams and mannerism of mine that I know came from him. Patience, of which I have a lot, is the most obvious. Thanks Dad

[grey beard]

Don't fight the memories. I believe they are God's way of helping us learn to appreciate the past and our own heritage. This all makes me stop to wonder just what sort of memoiries my own sons will have of their dad, a few years from now.

Blessings:)

[dezeldoc]

Well said guys, my mother passed away 2 years ago and my only sister a year ago. I think about them all the time and it is like you said, it's about the good times. never really knew my dad. I remember one time when i was 16, i was rebuilding the motor out of my 64 Cutlass and we lived in an apartment and and where else do you rebuild one in an apartment? why in your bedroom of course! she came home from work and seen the motor laid out on a old blinket and just shook her head and said " that damn thing better run good!" and never said another word about it. Hardest thing was getting it out the door all together without the landlord seeing.

[Joe Flanagan]

Brain,

I have to tell you that reading your post really hit me hard. I lost my dad not quite two years ago. I felt the same way about him that you do about your Dad. One day I was in my garage and I picked up a flaring tool that used to be his and I don't know. I keep getting reminded of him like that. I think we're always going to miss them. I'm sure the pain gets less with time. When my Dad was in the hospital after a stroke one of the nurses looked at him and said, They don't make them like this anymore. He was in the Army in the Pacific in WWII and he was a Massachusetts state trooper. He was a cop for over 30 years. Lived through the Depression and the war and had eight kids and a lot of hardship, but he never lost his compassion or his humanity. I can tell you that his death changed me and it sounds like your Dad's death has changed you. There's a lot of stuff that used to matter and it doesn't amount to a thing to me anymore. Useless junk when you get a sense of what's really important. I'm not a particularly religious or superstitious person but I too get this feeling that I haven't seen the last of the Lieutenant, as everybody used to call him. Somehow I think I'm going to see him again. I don't know what that is, but it's definitely there. Keep working on your car. Live the way he would have had you live. I figure that my Dad is watching me somehow, so I try to do the right thing. Sorry to hear about his passing and my best to you in overcoming your grief.

[JIPJOBXX]

Brain when my dad past away I inherited his 77 Buick and I always felt like he was next to me when I drove that old sled. In the glove compartment were notes he had made when he was out bird watching and I never did disturb those short notes. Yes I do miss my dad but time heals and I know he is with god as I type away. Jon

[claybill]

WOW! we all think about our 'dad.' never thought to share my feelings...yes they change after years..memories get about the happy times.

LAST WEEK i started a thing on my computer i call..'memories of Doc' that's him! and i write down a few sentences of each memories as they hit me.

he never owned a tool! not even one. but he opened all the doors of my life.

our first car was a 36 ford slantback with the ratio sticker he bought in 1942!!! then a 40 dodge. and on and on. but he never owned a tool or changed a plug! but he did EVERYTHING else.

my theory..

ANYMAN CAN BE A FATHER..BUT 'DAD' IS A TITLE YOU HAVE TO EARN!

CLAYBILL

[Bingster]

My dad died about nine years ago and although I think of him a lot, I don't mourn over him or even wish he were here because he led a good, long life at 87, and was ready to go to his reward. Maybe it's a clue for us who like things from the past that we - by our very nature - are trying to preserve a part of the past. So I guess we naturally tend to look backwards a lot. And of course we will be in his shoes one of these days, and the cycle continues.

Have you ever stopped to think how horrifying it would be if somebody told you that you'd never die? You'd live on this earth forever. It would freak me out! Not that I look forward to death, but we have been made to die, for death is really like birth. At birth we are in darkness and pass painfully into the light. At death we are in light and pass painfully into the darkness, only this time around the darkness is temporary and we find ourselves (hopefully) in the light forever. It's just that brief dark canal where we pass from one life to another.

I know this is getting a bit philosophical, but really, you have to be, to live this crazy life of ours. I trust that God is taking care of my folks and that they are far, far happier than I have ever been or will ever be. Right?

I think too, that some of the pain we feel may be part of us realizing our own mortality. And time slipping away. So it is really true that what counts on earth is how we spend that time and what we leave behind.

[Joel Torres]

to those who don't know me im joel been here and previous forum 7+ years now

all i can say is you guys are so lucky to be able to have these memories

i grew up on the other side of the spectrum

my parents divorced when i was 2yrs old and he never came back once growing up i had always like old cars and got my green 47 when i was 14 by doing stuff lil jobs for people cleanup ect..

i always wish i had a dad to do things with and i would look at my friends who hated or didn't get along with there dads and say if they only knew what i wish i had

when i joined this forum a long time ago it was like getting a bunch of uncles who lived far away i read every single post for a long time sometimes twice downloading everything they shared in my head

i know i dont say it often but i truly have a respect for the guys here that i dont give to anyone else

im sorry to hear about you losses but i wouldn't consider it a loss more like a gift to be a chip of an old block and be able to be reminded of him by a tool he owned. sheading a tear at those moments i think is all the respect and love you have for him and knowing he had the same and more for you i hope to have that bond with my 3 yr old boy he already gets my tools out of the box for me. i would be honored that he would feel the same way about me as you do for your dad my life would have a purpose

i hope im not sounding out of place

[Bingster]

Beautiful!

[PatS....]

Brian' date='

Although you'll never forget your dad, those feelings you have now will go away over time. My father passed away in 1980. I still think about him often, but usually not his passing. The thoughts now are of the good times. The same with my wife. Her father passed away in 1981 and her mother passed away in 1988. Here again, she remembers the good times they had together now. We can each discuss the things we did with them. It's always the happy times and we can smile as we discuss those times. My wife's brother and my brothers are the same. When we discuss them, we usually will discuss something funny that they did and start out by saying something like, "Remember when Dad did this or that" and it brings a little laughter, and it feels if they would be laughing with us.

So, when you think of him, just remember the happy times and share those thoughts with your wife or someone else. It seems to get better when you discuss your feelings with those close to you.[/quote']

I agree with Norm. My Dad went too early at 57 in 1987, and I think of him often, not in mourning, but with a smile.

Like some of you, I have most of my Dad's and Grandfathers tools, and some still get used regularly, again with a smile.

For the first few years, I relived the week he was hospitalized and his passing and the funeral arrangements and the funeral. I relived every minute.

I don't do that anymore...he would be pi$$ed at me for it. He lived a very full, happy life, didn't have an enemy in the world. He was "just" a truck driver but over 500 people showed up at his funeral...a shock we weren't prepared for for sure. Everyone shared happy memories of times with Eddy.

So, relive the happy times, smile alot at the memories and carry on.

[PatS....]

to those who don't know me im joel been here and previous forum 7+ years now

all i can say is you guys are so lucky to be able to have these memories

i grew up on the other side of the spectrum

my parents divorced when i was 2yrs old and he never came back once growing up i had always like old cars and got my green 47 when i was 14 by doing stuff lil jobs for people cleanup ect..

i always wish i had a dad to do things with and i would look at my friends who hated or didn't get along with there dads and say if they only knew what i wish i had

when i joined this forum a long time ago it was like getting a bunch of uncles who lived far away i read every single post for a long time sometimes twice downloading everything they shared in my head

i know i dont say it often but i truly have a respect for the guys here that i dont give to anyone else

im sorry to hear about you losses but i wouldn't consider it a loss more like a gift to be a chip of an old block and be able to be reminded of him by a tool he owned. sheading a tear at those moments i think is all the respect and love you have for him and knowing he had the same and more for you i hope to have that bond with my 3 yr old boy he already gets my tools out of the box for me. i would be honored that he would feel the same way about me as you do for your dad my life would have a purpose

i hope im not sounding out of place

Joel, I'm sorry that you weren't able to share growing up with your Dad, but it gives me a smile that you aren't going to let that happen to your son.

Now you get to have the father/son experience after all...it don't get any better than that.

And no, you're not out of place...in this forum, no you're not...it's a great spot.

[Joe Flanagan]

One of the happy memories I have of my Dad is whenever my brothers and I were working on a project, he would call us the Bungle Brothers. When we got old enough that we could do our own projects and not include him, he couldn't stand it because he couldn't boss us around. But he would walk over to see what we were doing and just say under his breath, "Bungle."

[P15Mike]

I'm not sure if i should be posting on your thread here , but after reading the posts i've felt compelled to do so . I can't imagine how that day will be for me god willing , but im only 39 and my dad is 63 . I'm sure this has to be the most trying experiience for someone to go through , losing a parent or loved one . I almost lost my dad in 1991 to cancer and since that time i've cherished every day that i've spent with him at family get togethers , visits etc ..He's the one who got me into these old cars since day 1 and i just love it . Somehow i know it brings us together almost like best friends talking about our cars and telling stories . I cant begin to relate but all my best wishes go out to you all . We are greatfull now he's doing well and are living everyday to the fullest . When that fateful day comes for myself i only hope that i might still have access to a forum such as this , family and friends for a shoulder to cry on ....

Mike

[David Strieb]

It's never gotten easier for me. Lost my dad 9 years ago almost to the day. He's the one that sparked my interest in old cars, and was always my hero. I was lucky to tell him that a short time before he slipped into a comma, and passed shortly after.

I have the '36 Chrysler coupe he cherished so much, and drive it as often as possible, had it out today in the rain at the Puyuallup Swap Meet.

[Young Ed]

I'm not sure if i should be posting on your thread here , but after reading the posts i've felt compelled to do so . I can't imagine how that day will be for me god willing , but im only 39 and my dad is 63 . I'm sure this has to be the most trying experiience for someone to go though , losing a parent or loved one . I almost lost my dad in 1991 to cancer and since that time i've cherished every day that i've spent with him at family get togethers , visits etc ..He's the one who got me into these old cars since day 1 and i just love it . Somehow i know it brings us together almost like best friends talking about our cars and telling stories . I cant begin to relate but all my best wishes go out to you all . We are greatfull now he's doing well and are living everyday to the fullest . When that fateful day comes for myself i only hope that i might still have access to a forum such as this , family and friends for a shoulder to cry on ....

Mike

Very well said. I also hope that a long time from now when this day comes I can handle it well

[daddyo23]

I lost my dad about 15 years ago and like most everyone else, I think of him often. He died too early,63, from cancer. He was healthier than I was at the time. It was hard to see him go. He knew time was short so he sat down with a tape recorder and talked about his life. Being a young child in the depression, serving in the Korean War, and life in general. He didn't work on old cars, but the best memories I have were from when we went fishing. Man I would love to do that again. But, I'll see him again. The good times we had always crowd out any bad times, mostly started by me. Wayne P.

[Norm's Coupe]

Very well said. I also hope that a long time from now when this day comes I can handle it well

Ed,

I too wish your parents, and the others who still have their parents a long happy life. But........that day will come for all of us at some time in life. All of us have to think of only one thing when that day comes. That is.

Do you want those close to you, parents, kids, wife, etc. to be sad the rest of their life if you passed away? Or, do you want them to be happy and enjoy their life after you are gone? I'm sure everyone will want those close to them to be happy and not dwell on our passing. With that in mind, your parents feel the same way. They only want you to be happy, they don't want you to be unhappy when you think of them.

If you keep that in mind when thinking of those who have departed, it makes it much easier cope with.

And, as someone mentioned before. Even though they are gone to a better place, I can still feel my fathers presence from time to time. It doesn't make me sad though, it give me comfort knowing he's there with me in spirit.

[martybose]

I guess it's all a matter of perspective. I just went to my Mom's 90th birthday last weekend. She just sold the house I grew up in and moved to a retirement community, where she is getting active in all sorts of things. It was a hoot listening to her and her little sister (she's 87!!) telling stories about life during WWII.

My Dad, however, is another story. He's still around, but he is in an assisted living facility. He's doing okay, but doesn't recognize me most of the time. Sometimes he knows I'm his son, but he addresses me by my brother's name. You can't hold a conversation with him, as it just stops, sometimes in the middle of a sentence. I go visit him occasionally, but it isn't the way I want to remember him.

Marty, reflecting .......

[Dodgefran]

I feel my dad's energy in all of his tools. Sometimes I go out in the garage just to touch the tools and remember the good times. I was one of the lucky ones who got to express my feelings to him before he died. Even today, I tear up just thinking about how much my mother and father filled my life. This thread was at least a 2 kleenexer. They passed away about 18 years ago. I do draw strength in the fact that I was with them when they passed, and I did everything that I could to make them as comfortable as I could under the circumstances. Thanks guys for your thoughts.

[randroid]

Brian,

There's nothing that can be said by me that hasn't been worded better by others, but I formulated a bit of philosophy 15 years ago when the father of a good friend passed, and I'd like to share it with you if I may.

My Dad was a Night Fighter Pilot for the USMC and was gone half the time, but when he was home it was fishing and hiking and building stuff around the house. He went MIA in 1960 and that brings me to my philosophy:

Was it better for him to go when I was young (13) and didn't fully comprehend his death immediately, or would it have been better to have gotten to know him better as an adult yet feel devastated when he went?

There is no answer, of course, but when I see his Battle Ribbons and 49-Star Flag and Dress Saber there is a part of him in the room with me.

There isn't an easy answer, Brother, but I don't think you're seeking one. It takes a good man to share his pain.

Our prayers are with you both,

Lynn & Randy St. John