Tweaking words

[DonaldSmith]

For my own amusement, I like to make up dumb statements, like "Friday the 13th comes on a Friday this month", to exaggerate redundancies, like "the International House of IHOP Pancakes", the estimated ETA time of arrival", etc.,  and to tweak words for additional meaning:

 

Cell Phone:  Isn't it a "Self-Phone"?

 

Remote-starting the car:  Honey, I just "startled" the car.   (Shades of the tractor-cows in the movie "Cars".)

 

I'm trying real hard to think of some more. But really, I'm hardly trying. 

 

Then there are expressions that mean the opposite of what they seem to say:

  

"Are you going to watch the game?"  "I wouldn't miss it (I'm not going to watch it but I won't miss it)." 

"Thank you for holding the door!"  "Oh, it's the least I can do (and my wife says that I'm always looking for the least I can do)."

[Don Coatney]

How about the use of sanity and Donald Smith in the same sentence is an oxymoron?   

[Don Coatney]

Talking with an old friend the other day (was not the day before but the other day) about the Indiana drivers test. He made the comment "I was really surprised that I passed the exam on the first try" I replied "Same for me, I am also surprised that you passed the exam on the first try"

[pflaming]

Or, "u turn left, right at the pedestrian cross walk lanes!

[Eneto-55]

I'd like it as ASAP as possible.

[mrwrstory]

I like it, irregardless of what others think.

Edited February 11, 2015 by mrwrstory

[Young Ed]

I like it, irregardless of what others think.

Don't forget to unthaw something for dinner

[pflaming]

All the above are totally true, perfectly correct, & politically honest, in my humble opinion.

Edited February 11, 2015 by pflaming

[_shel_ny]

...

Edited February 12, 2015 by shel_ny

[_shel_ny]

..........

Edited February 12, 2015 by shel_ny

[wayfarer]

Some of you guys have waaaay too much free time.....