OT fast one liners to make you chuckle

[JIPJOBXX]

There was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:

*I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my Mother-in-law to the airport.

*I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it.The thief spends less than my wife did.

* We always hold hands. If I let go,she shops.

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

* I was just in London; there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

*The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back. " Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

*A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand? "The doctor says,"That's what puzzles me!"

*Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"

*A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

The Jipjob

[Don Coatney]

Follow this link

http://www430.pair.com/p15d24/mopar_forum/showthread.php?t=12107

[Plymouthy Adams]

I suppose you gonna want fries with that....

[41/53dodges]

if your uncle jack helps you off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?