OT that time of Year OT

[Plymouthy Adams]

for the long standing members this is a reprint of my favorite Christmas story...to the new guys I hope you enjoy it....to everyone, I extend no apologies..

Christmas with Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty. One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I wanted was difficult. "Love Dolls" come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for "Lovable Louise."

She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination. On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in the panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner. My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny noticed. "Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay said to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang

on!" My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants. Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car. It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.

[JoelOkie]

rib splitting hilarious.....santa left one of his ho's hanging on the mantle one might say. Joel

[pflaming]

Did she have a golf club or a ticket to Argentina in her hand? :rolleyes:

[Olddaddy]

First, you were never in that store an hour, a day maybe, but not an hour. Second, I'd pay to see the cranberry sauce trick. Three, I can't wait to see the movie................

[Don Coatney]

Old story Tim. Time for a new one:eek:

[Plymouthy Adams]

yeah..I know Don..I have not found a better to date..and I am no writer myself....

[P-12 Tommy]

Made me laugh!! Good one Tim

Tom

[DigmyP18]

Classic! Flying Louise and a sinus full of cranberries. Even rhymes

[Norm's Coupe]

Tim,

I'm with you. You've put that story up several years now. But.........it's still a good one, no matter how many times I see it.

[BobT-47P15]

Kind of like watching "A Christmas Story" every year.

[Plymouthy Adams]

Don, while this is really not a funny story, except in looking back after some 50 years...when we kids were very young, little sister just walking and all. We were playing in the living room around the Christmas tree..how and what caused my little sister to get tangled in the tree is still anyone's guess but the entire tree came tumbling down with broken lights and decorative glass balls just shattering. To sum it all up, save a few light bulbs it was a disaster...I remember my dad reaching in amoung the mess and pulling out the only Christmas ball not broken, it was green, about 3 inches in diameter with a scene of the three wise men on the way to Bethelhem with the Christmas star above all in white...written above the scene...PEACE ON EARTH...he turns to mom and shows here the bulb..all anger faded, we kids were saved...I still have that Christmas ball at the house...