Work OT

[Heavy Flat Head]

To all Employees:

Effective 16 th January 20007

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you

are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so

that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not

need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and

therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called

Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead

friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have

non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should

be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work

through your lunch break and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a

strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll

will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will

be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company

notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the

company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that

they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to

maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time

needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of

choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,

irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations,

contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Management

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined

[Plymouthy Adams]

I glad to know there are other companies out there that berate their employees as my employer berates their workers.

[HalfdollarMayflower]

Too funny!

[RobertKB]

Unfortunately, like all good jokes, there is a grain of truth in there. Some companies treat their employees very poorly and expect them to work hard. Others treat you well but pay you poorly, and some actually are a pleasure to work for and pay well. A happy employee is a productive employee.

[Niel Hoback]

"The beatings will continue until employee morale improves" Capt. Jack

[Heavy Flat Head]

"The beatings will continue until employee morale improves" Capt. Jack

Do I hear enough is enough, strike these suckers.

Our HR department sent this message around to our work stations.

I am very blessed to work for an agency that has a since of humor and is very responsive to its employees and to the public it serves as it should be.

Enough said, strike these suckers that can not treat people right. Next time you buy a product think if the person is being treated fairly that made or ship the product and install yourself in there place. I try to do this myself as much as I can. I came to realize that I would be a little on the mad side if I felt some one else was living better than I was just because of were I lived. I am working on doing this strategy more often and it does make a difference on how I look at the world.

Even if we buy stuff from China that person has a right to make a decent wage. Remember in the sixties when the garment unions were crying about the dumping of over seas products in the US. How much different would the world be if we would of all look at this problem at the time as it concerns all of us (in and out of this country), not just how much can I save!

I am on my soap box now and enough of that. Back to the thing that matters the most:

Chrysler cars of the fifties.