dezeldoc Posted January 3, 2012 Report Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) Found this on the Hamb and got a laugh, so i thought i would pass it along! Fifteen Signs You’re Not Getting Better…You’re Getting Older. 1) Jack stands are getting shorter: These things must be like the 2 X 4’s that keep getting smaller. Why just five years ago you could set the jack stand at mid-range and slip under the car on a creeper. Now you’re on the top notch and can barely fit under the car WITHOUT the creeper! 2) Geez it’s dark in here: So you finally wedge yourself under the car only to find out you can’t see a damn thing because it’s too dark. That 40-watt lead light just doesn’t cut it anymore. Now you’ve got the walls and ceiling of the garage plastered with banks of florescent bulbs (the local power company’s stock rises every time you flip the switch) so you can see the fine details, and you still squint. 3) Geez it’s hot in here: You know the 10,000-candlepower light system you now require under the car to see anything? Well, guess what Bunky, those bulbs generate heat, which makes the sweat off your balding head run into your eyes. So now you need a fan. By the time you get the lights and the fans hooked up you forgot what you were gonna do under the car, but it will come to you eventually. 4) Geez it’s cold in here: Okay, so now you have no idea what you were gonna do under the car, but under you go anyway. Oh, yeah, change the oil… while you’re under there on the creeper waiting for that last drop to drip, you lay your head back for a minute. You wake up shivering at 3:00AM because you had turned the heat off since you were only going to be in the garage for an hour… damn, who turned on that fan? 5) Generation Gap, Part II: Your grandson is holding the light in your eyes instead of your son. 6) Hat Hair? But that requires both a hat and hair… You used to hate wearing a cap because it made your hair look funny when you took it off. Now you have to wear one, because without it, your head gets more cuts, bruises, and scratches in the garage, and more sunburnt at an event because there’s no longer a protective layer of hair. 7) How’s This Work? Okay, you’re laying under the dash and you’re looking up to change that instrument light bulb. Got the big light under there ‘cause as we know you can’t see in the dark anymore… but you still can’t see… everything is fuzzy. Why? ‘Cuz your bi-focals are working backwards when you’re standing on your head… 8) Projects you dislike get farmed out, or 1-800 syndrome: Okay, so you’re buying more parts, contracting more stuff out. Hey, it only makes good sense because the other guy: A) has the right equipment. Has done a bunch of these before. C) Has the time. D) Needs the money, might as well help the guy out and let him do it. Or, E) The store bought stuff works better. “Hey, anyone know where the remote is?” 9) Projects you like get farmed out, 1-800 syndrome: A) He has the right equipment. He’s done a bunch of these before. C) He has the time. D) Needs the money, might as well help the guy out and let him do it. E) The store bought stuff works better. “Hey, anyone know where the remote is?” 10) Scheduling Department: Okay, so you used to get out in the garage most every night after work, stay there till midnight and beyond. You didn’t stand there for two hours trying to remember where you left off, you just dug in and got the job done. Now you spend three nights planning on the plug change in your coupe, which used to be a half hour job…. Time allotted for the same task today: Saturday. All of it. 11) Some things aren’t as hot: So you still have your favorite calendar from 1968 still on the wall: it was pretty steamy back then, little bikini clad beauties in front of the tool boxes, leaning on cars. Yeah, when you hung that up it was so hot you didn’t want the kids to see it. Well hues what folks, those same pictures could be used on the local church bulletin and not cause a stir anymore… once it was hot, now it’s not. 12) Parts, I need New Parts: Okay, so you finally get out in the garage. Things are going well, because after all, you’ve been working on hot rods for a long time. You really do know what you’re doing once you get started. You’re very pleased with your progress. Sure enough, that ’57 Pontiac rear is torn down, ready for axle bearings… down to the parts store to see, who else? Parts Man. “Whadda ya mean you don’t have’em in stock? A weeeeekkk?” Geez, these parts stores don’t stock anything anymore. Well that “new” rear end you put under the car is now 40 years old….errrr, okay I’ll wait a week. 13) I need old cars and parts: You don’t excite easily anymore, but when the guy tells you about a couple old Fords and one real old Chevy out behind a guys barn you head off looking for tin. Yeah, two ’75 Granada’s and a ’68 Impala four door….them’s old? 14) The Dating Game: Okay single guys, here’s a car test for that lovely date of yours: If she thinks a ’65 Mustang is an old car she’s TOO YOUNG! 15) Mr. Clean: At one time you would fight your way through the rubble to get to your latest project, work all night amidst the mess, never even notice it. Gotta get the car done, I’ll clean up later. In spite of the mess you knew exactly where everything was, even the 5/16 socket that was sitting on the back of the old short block under the work bench. Today you head out to the garage and spend so much time cleaning you don’t need a project. When you are working you have a tendancy to lose small things (like drive shafts, intake manifolds, needle nose pliers, hydraulic jacks….) so neatness counts. Unfortunately your son is where you used to be, so he works, you clean up….one of life’s circles I guess. “Anyone seen my broom?” 16) Mary-Lou Retin you Ain’t: Ahhh, yes, remember oh wise one, when you could push out from under the car on your trusty creeper and bound up and over to the work bench? Yeah buddy, well those days are gone. Now you get out from under the car and slowly try to sit up. The creeper follows your slow movement and slaps you in the back of the head, which puts you on your knees. Now, from there you can look for a handhold to pull yourself up with… now what was I looking for? 17) Get that thing up here where I can work on it: Sure, was a time that wrestling with a tranny on the floor was fine, but no more you old piece of seasoned wood. Now even extra heavy stuff is hoisted into a comfortable work position….(Or see #6 and #7; Anyone seen the remote?) Consequently your shop is now so full of tables, saw horses, barrels and other makeshift work surfaces that you can hardly clean up in there. Sweeping around all that big heavy stuff is an all-day project. Well, at least you got the big pieces off the floor and clean, you can fix them next week. 18) Okay, Just a Minute: Damn, what was number sixteen, man it was right on the tip of my tongue… when’s the dealine? Today? Wait, oh, man it just went through my mind… number sixteen, hmmmmmm…. 19) You’ve been the editor/publisher for fifteen years: Now there’s a sure sign that you’re getting long in the tooth. Few people have headed up the same magazine for fifteen years in an active writing, rodding, and photographing role, but yes, yours truly has managed to do it, sit at the same desk, bang out the same meaningless drivel for fifteen years (not to mention the ten years before that for what are now our competitors), but yes, I’ve managed to do that (Burger here). Geez it seems like I’d have gotten a real job by now, but at this point I’m too old to change. 20) You’re a great audience: Your editor only knows one joke, so he writes it down, and tells it to you every week. And every week you laugh harder. 21) You’re the Easter Bunny: Hey, there really are benefits to this age thing…you are now old enough and absent-minded enough to hide your own Easter eggs! Edited January 3, 2012 by dezeldoc Quote
JohnTeee Posted January 4, 2012 Report Posted January 4, 2012 That's funny! And at first, I thought this was going to be an "OT" posting . . . Cheers! John Quote
Greenbomb Posted January 7, 2012 Report Posted January 7, 2012 It's just about TOO MUCH on topic!!!! But, it is funny. Quote
plymouthcranbrook Posted January 8, 2012 Report Posted January 8, 2012 I swear you have been hiding in my garage and watching me. Is this why my 52 Plymouth is just now after ten years of ownership getting ready to get on the road? And how long will it take me to sort out what I find is now wrong after that much time sitting. Arrrrggghhhh!!!!! Where is THAT remote? Quote
rockable Posted January 10, 2012 Report Posted January 10, 2012 Hey! Quit making fun of me! I'n not old as some of you guys....but I am nearly as decrepit. Quote
Robert Horne Posted January 10, 2012 Report Posted January 10, 2012 When I get under my car, I usually take a snack, and something to drink, because I know I will be there for awhile. In the summer I usually leave a pillow under the car also, that garage floor is so nice in the summer.... Quote
dezeldoc Posted January 10, 2012 Author Report Posted January 10, 2012 When I get under my car, I usually take a snack, and something to drink,because I know I will be there for awhile. In the summer I usually leave a pillow under the car also, that garage floor is so nice in the summer.... And you always wonder why the dog was laying there! Quote
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