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Posted

The next time someone asks you a dumb question respond like this?.....

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try i t again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore. :)

Posted

Because my wife and I lead a vintage-inspired lifestyle, we are regualrly asked if we have anything modern in our house.

I always say that we do have mod cons, including a microwave oven.

It's just that we have a vintage-style valve-operated microwave.

I say it cooks the food really quickly, but it takes 30 minutes to warm up in the first place.

It usually takes a while for them to realise I'm joking, but I always find the initial look of puzzlement amusing.

Posted

I tried the purina diet but got tired of scooting on the carpet.

Robin, speaking of kitchens, I used to make my wife wear white after dinner. Aesthetically, I prefer having the dishwasher match the refrigerator.

OK, I'm ducking now.

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