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Dealing with old people.


Los_Control

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Old people are weird and know everything, stuck in their ways. And I get it.

Mind is sharp, but physically just not up to par. Your mind thinks you can ... but you really can't or should not.

 

Had a interesting incident today, A 30' motorhome drives slowly past my house ... then I hear a sound of destruction ... I go out and look, He is backing up and just ran over the neighbors mail box.

He continues to back up and runs into some rail road ties used for landscaping in my other neighbors yard, then he pulls forward and hits my mail box. Then he drives off and goes around the block.

Then he turns the other direction and goes around the other block. And drives by a 3rd time. The front door is wide open and swinging in the breeze. I write down lic# and call police.

 

Gentleman is 84 years old, been working on this motorhome for last couple months, so far had EMS come and extract him from it as he got stuck. He has a accident report where he side swiped a fedx truck that was parked, today he went down and got the inspection and license plates He is ready for a road trip now. ... Sad part is, his 80 year old wife was out walking and fell. She called him, he picked her up in the motorhome  She was bleeding from her elbow and needed medical attention and he thought my house was his house, He lives 4 blocks down the street. He was flustered and confused.

 

What do you do? ... I went down and talked to him today ... Asked if his wife was good, she was out shopping. Really is a nice guy, retired military and been everywhere. Motorhome and travel is on their bucket list. I gave him my phone # and asked him to call me if he needed anything ... His riding mower is broke, paid someone to fix it and still broke, grass needs cut ... think tomorrow will go down and cut it for him.

While I should be pissed at him for the damage he did in 3 yards, I just want to help him and try to talk him out of driving this 30' motorhome.

 

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these things are a nuisance on the highway as it is in the hands of an alert driver....this guy in an major accident waiting to happen....not the small incidents you just wrote about but mass mayhem and destruction death and property loss in in his future.....not a specualtion....it almost an assurance.  

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31 minutes ago, keithb7 said:

 

Sounds like it'll be more like a road show.

I told the female officer today as she returned and told me what happened and why ... I apologized to her for the upcoming events of him driving. She laughed.

 

FWIW, I just found a cool old man that lives down the street, He will bitch and complain and I will try to help him every chance I can.

He will bitch about mowing his front yard ... if he allows me to look at his riding mower, maybe I can fix it.

 

I suspect after meeting today, he will complain but let me continue.

 

How do you tell them they need to stop driving?   Just because they can, does not mean they should.

Will be a interesting transition .... lets see if he shoots me tomorrow for mowing his grass.

 

 

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Yeah I dunno, I am the guy that does not like people ... I want no friends, I send people to the curb ... He just is a Veteran,  patriot that files his American flag.

 

I guess you actually need family or someone to discuss this. While I am not looking for a friend I see nobody stepping to the plate.

 

See what happens.

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3 hours ago, Los_Control said:

Old people are weird and know everything, stuck in their ways


Please quantify and qualify “Old People”.  Ability or disability has no identifiable age.  And please define “weird”, I haven’t seen any old people in our city’s’ protests,  Most know I’m 82 and work every day in my shop. Everyday I learn something new, or a better/easier way to do something.  JMHO

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25 minutes ago, pflaming said:

Please quantify and qualify “Old People”.  

But you understand more then any of us ... I know you are over 80 years old .... would you want a driver on the road that does not know what county or road they are in?

 

@pflaming you are probably the best person to talk to ... how would you like to be talked to from  a stranger and told you cant drive?

 

 

I just have no idea how to approach this guy suspect I will try to mow his grass and make friends with him ... @plaming how would you deal with a 80 year old that should not drive?

 

 

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40 minutes ago, pflaming said:


Please quantify and qualify “Old People”.  Ability or disability has no identifiable age.  And please define “weird”, I haven’t seen any old people in our city’s’ protests,  Most know I’m 82 and work every day in my shop. Everyday I learn something new, or a better/easier way to do something.  JMHO

Yeah Paul but your brain works, this other fella seems to be on the edge of accident.......los control doesn’t have to qualify anything if he thinks old man will kill somebody on the road.

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Los. I may ,in some way, be the exception and just fortunate to be so. Regarding your neighbor, prove to him to be a very good new friend. Listen and suggest, I often follow a comment or response with, “is that a fair conclusion? “ 

  Regarding his driving, once you have his ear, ask him to take you for a ride in his vehicle, be a silent but alert passenger, and eventually point out some critical places and ways to improve.  If he is a danger, then possibly conract his family, his insurance agent and the highway patrol. 
   I wish you well.  
   My suburban is road ready, I’m tweekimg certain areas first.  Today shifter levers and new floor panel. New refund levers will replace these.  Some key new parts arrived today. Nice.

paul

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Edited by pflaming
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You see where I am going?

The man has already wiped out 3 yards and mail boxes, A fedx truck and freaked out when his wife had a scraped elbow. 

 

I guess I will go down and mow his grass tomorrow, I already know he will fight me .. and just do it without knocking on door or asking.

Maybe we determine who is more stubborn.

Thanks @plaming I think that is good advice .... You see where I am going, when his wife had a scraped elbow and bleeding, he was totally confused and was trying to park the motorhome at my house ... while he lived 4 blocks down the road.

 

I only want to meet him and help him, I have no ways I want to hurt him or cause issues.

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Back in the 70's before my wife's Grandfather gave up driving he and the Grandmother went out occasionally together. They were a team.  He did not drive anywhere without her. She helped him watch traffic and they only went locally to the Dr. or a restaurant.  Considering they were both in their 80's at the time they did pretty good. They stopped when he was about 85 or 86 as he said he no longer felt confident of not hurting someone else. Hopefully I will be as smart. I have known others who drove safely into their 90's and then my Dad quit when he was younger than I am now(70). You never know how long you can go on.

Edited by plymouthcranbrook
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16 hours ago, Los_Control said:

You see where I am going?

The man has already wiped out 3 yards and mail boxes, A fedx truck and freaked out when his wife had a scraped elbow. 

 

I guess I will go down and mow his grass tomorrow, I already know he will fight me .. and just do it without knocking on door or asking.

Maybe we determine who is more stubborn.

Thanks @plaming I think that is good advice .... You see where I am going, when his wife had a scraped elbow and bleeding, he was totally confused and was trying to park the motorhome at my house ... while he lived 4 blocks down the road.

 

I only want to meet him and help him, I have no ways I want to hurt him or cause issues.

While your intentions are good..Be careful.?

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We took my Mom's keys away when she was about 81.  Her eyesight was shot, and she was getting increasingly agitated when unexpected things happened.

Fortunately she never did any damage. She didn't fight us, because she really didn't like driving. She never learned until she was 32.

 

So we just had to drive her around, and eventually she didn't want to go out much anymore, so it wasn't an issue for us.

 

Anyhow, it seems to me you are looking for some encouragement to be the good Samaritan. 

In that case go for it, and just understand the reward from others won't be what you may deserve.

I know you're worried about buying trouble, and you can always stay home.

 

Absent outside pressure, we move when our spirit moves us, and not before.

  

 

 

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My wife's dad stopped driving early this year, at about 98 a half.  Turned 99 last month, and passed away rather suddenly this past Monday.  He was ready to go, and knew where he was going, and Who was there waiting for him.  Recently his sight got so bad he couldn't read anymore, even with a big magnifying glass.  He contracted the virus, which moved into pneumonia, and he just couldn't breathe anymore.

My grandpa, on the other hand, he just got such slow reaction time that when his car broke down, the family just didn't fix it.  He must have been in his middle 80's then, because he passed away at 89.  But when they took the car away, he didn't say anything, he just went out in his shop, got a bunch of bicycle parts down from the attic, and put one together.  My grandma realized later he was "missing", and everyone went out looking for him.  Found him down the road a piece, on his way to see his buddy.  It IS nice when they decide on their own that they shouldn't be driving anymore.

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Mom quit driving last year. 83 years old. her decision. 
a wealthy businessman, owned a air service was still flying at 80. A plane crash convinced him to quit flying and sell the air service. He basically fell apart after that,even simple sentences were a task. His kids packed him up and put him in a home, sold everything and took whatever he had on top of it. Hes still in the home, totally unaware of the fact he was a millionaire. 
Sad. 
 

im guessing the kamikaze driver wont even remember he crunched a few things. You might get away with cutting his grass, but maybe there is a reason the mower wasnt fixed. 
 

Thinking the motorhome needs to break down as well...

 

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Kudos for wanting to help that old timer out, although you are somewhat describing a curmudgeon.  When I lived in NM, an older gentleman from Texas, don't remember exactly where in TX he was from, or his age, but he was up there, driving a 5th wheel RV rig strayed over the center line on US82 east of Mayhill and clipped a school bus from Lubbock, killing 7 kids.  Turned out he did not have a good driving record, with numerous at-fault accidents.  The NM State Police had to request that Texas DPS conduct a driving competency evaluation, which had to be done in court.  The court only ordered that he pass a driving test every year to maintain his license.  The moral of the story, even though driving is a privilege and not a right, it's really hard to legally force someone not to drive, even in the most egregious circumstances.   Good luck dealing with the guy, and good luck to the public where ever he drives that motorhome.  

Edited by Dan Hiebert
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Yeah he actually came by today. While he has good intentions for all, he not thinking it through.

I saw him out on the road, wife was parked 2 houses down and he was looking. I showed him the neighbors and who to talk to.

He offered to buy me a new $12 mail box ... I have 9 stick on letters on each side for address @ $1.35 each ... I told him I would fix what I had.

He gave the neighbor a new box & a piece of rusted out pipe less then 3' long for a post. You have to bury the pipe in the ground, you need at least 5'

Just worthless junk.

 

You are correct @Dan Hiebert  I find myself attracted to the gentleman. He has a interesting history and speaks a colorful language.

I enjoy talking to him and look forward to talking again.

If he had a son or daughter over there talking him out of it ... I would not even consider getting involved.

He appears to have no close family to help. If he runs off the road and kills his wife and self, good luck to them on their new adventure.

 

If he hits a school bus and kills children, I know what I know and never even try to intervene ... I would spend the rest of my life thinking I coulda, shoulda, woulda.

I expect my success rate to be close to zero. I will have to become a friend and then gain their trust ... Things happen for a reason.

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In Illinois after age 75 you have to pass written and driving tests for each renewal.  However each renewal is at 4 year intervals and a lot can happen in four years. i plan to drive the school bus till 76 but that's it. Cannot see me parallel parking a 40 footer again at the point in time,.

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Are there any children nearby you could talk too?  I just turned 72, and I am becoming concerned with vision reaction time, can't drive at night, don't like traffic, and have a big problem with folks who think the road was built especially for them. But I am driving less maybe 5000 miles a year instead of 12000.  Plus I can choose where and when  I want to get some where.  

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If we live long enough we all will be faced with this issue...I know of folks driving at age 99 and sharp as a tack....good genes is all I can say there....age wise compared to some here I am THAT old fart...but compared to others here I am the spring chicken...hopefully one will be wise when it is time to make the call.  While the old man may be very capable behind the wheel of a car, an environment of most familiarity, the travel home is yet another story.  And if he is as cantankerous as observed by our esteemed member here, could be the very reason there is no family about to talk with...just saying, it is known to be true.

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Dealing with old guys who still think they can but get frustrated and belligerent when they can't and are still healthy enough to do significant damage eats up A LOT of my time...example:  85 yr old neighbor who can barely get around, looks like he has congestive heart failure, has a 15 yr old Hustler mower that is loud, rough riding, and cuts not-so-great...he hires me to mow his acreage and the durn thing would not start again so I put in 5 hrs on my old JD (as I've had to do on several prior occasions), compliments flow from him + his bride on how good his place looks afterwards...hires his brother-in-law to work on that Hustler (that I have been gently suggesting that he sell for the last 4 yrs and just let me now his place with my JD), tells me the other day that he's gonna replace the entire engine for about $3k...as he's telling me this not-so-great news, even he mentions that it might not be a good idea and that I'll have to mow his place until further notice :rolleyes: 

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20 hours ago, Los_Control said:

 

...

You are correct @Dan Hiebert  I find myself attracted to the gentleman. He has a interesting history and speaks a colorful language.

I enjoy talking to him and look forward to talking again...

 

I am in the same boat here.  Through my volunteer work driving Veterans to VA appointments with the Elks Lodge, I've met a few folks that can ONLY be described as curmudgeons.  I can't help but liking them...perhaps thinking I'll be one in the future.  The redeeming factor being that they know they shouldn't drive, and need help getting places.  (There is no "mass transit" in northern Maine.)

 

Like it or not, you've made a friend, whether or not he realizes it.  My hat's off to you!

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Had to put my father in a "home" at age 95. I took him for a ride and then let him drive my car, just to see if he could/should still drive. He was unaware of other traffic when we came to stop signs. I was pretty tense. I sold his car, and he never complained. I think he knew, it was "time". 

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